Thanks

Thanks Fortyteen Candles for nominating my blog for the One Lovely Blog Award.

No that is not the Award, this is:

And you don’t just get an award and then do nothing but be happy about it. There are some things you have to do.

1. Give credit to the person who nominated you. Which I have done.

2. Describe 7 things about yourself. Which I have not done. Yet.

3. Nominate 15 other bloggers. Which I suppose I should do. Even though it is Friday afternoon and I am feeling very lazy.

7 Things About Me

1. I need breakfast first thing in the morning. Other wise this happens…

2. I have an obsessive-compulsive disorder for putting things in the proper place. None of my children seem to have inherited this. They insist on inheriting all my husband’s genes. They will be sorry when they one day grow up and find their houses are on “Hoarders: Buried Alive”. And I will be watching and laughing in my spotless living room.

3. After I had kids I started using Mommy language. This consists of standard sentences such as :”who ate all the ice cream?” “who didn’t flush the toilet?” “who put the cat in the freezer?” as well as “no I don’t have money” “no I have not cooked anything else for dinner besides the four course meal on the table” “no you can’t use my lipstick”. And most commonly, ” I can’t wait till you have kids of your own!”

“who took my tweezers damn it?!”

4. I forget to close the lid on the toilet at night even after reading “Good Habits my Cats Have Taught Me” by http://misanthropology101.wordpress.com/.

And my cat falls in without fail.

5. I got my eyebrows threaded and no longer look that much like Russel Brand. But my daughter still calls me Russel. 

6. That is not a picture of my eyebrow. Mine are better.

7. I don’t really care whether Robert Pattinson moved out or not. He is not really Edward Cullen people, get a life!

15 Blogs I Nominate:

1. Story Addict

2. Communicating.Across.Boundaries

3. smileinstyle

4. clotildajamcracker

5. the urge to wander

6. yummyfoodmadeeasy

7. Ashley Jillian

8. Words From The Woods

9. Writerlious

10. heylookawriterfellow

11. Paddy’s kitchen

12. Nazar Blue

13. Life Behind the Pages

14. Life As We Show It

15. Fabulous 50’s

(All pics are from Google Images)

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Immigrating Granny

This is an article I wrote for July 1st’s Dawn newspaper, the editor asked me to write about settling in a new country. Since I was moving back home and it was not a new experience for me, I wrote from the view point of an old lady moving abroad from Pakistan for the first time. If you want to read about interesting things that happen when you move out of North America go and visit this great blog : http://communicatingacrossboundariesblog.com/

http://dawn.com/2012/07/01/rant-and-rave-allah-tauba/

Diary entry of a just hit 40-obsessive compulsive disorder- want to kill myself-mom;

Dear diary I am about to down a handful of sleeping pills and end my misery.

Just as soon as I have washed my hands, they are a little greasy from the eggs I just fried. I am serious, I can’t take it anymore. I am old, eight pounds overweight, no one ever listens to me and my life is a mess. I drag myself out of bed in the early dark hours of the morning, every morning . I make omelets only to remember that it was scrambled egg day. Can you imagine that?

I try to wake up teenagers who stare at me dumbly, sit up, walk to the bathroom and then go back to bed, after giving me a dirty look and informing me that it is only five thirty a.m. Why can’t they understand that they will be late if they don’t get an early start? I mean it could start hailing at the last minute then how will they walk out to the car? We could suddenly be shrouded in an unexpected fog or have a torrential down pour. All the school work that would pile up, or they could maybe even miss a surprise test that was supposed to make up thirty percent of their total grade!

But they roll their eyes and bury their heads under pillows, they do it to scare the hell out of me, they know they could accidentally asphyxiate themselves.  But no one cares about anything, except me. How I struggle with my ill-bred family! It is all my husband’s fault really, he doesn’t set much of an example. On scrambled egg day he will always insist on hard-boiled. It just drives me nuts, what am I supposed to do with his scrambled egg then? I can’t eat it, it’ll overload me with cholesterol. I’ll bet that is what he is aiming for.  The kids never want it, I have a hard time shoving their breakfasts down their throats let alone my husband’s. Their idea of proper breakfast is an egg and toast. That is it. I don’t understand how growing kids can get by without cereal, juice, eggs, toast, milk, fruit, cheese and a bran muffin. They don’t understand the concept of a balanced diet. They’ll be sorry one day when they suffer from anorexia.

Either anorexia or God forbid some disease that can’t even be pronounced, brought on by the unhygienic conditions that seem to prevail in our house. It’s like I speak a different language either that or their brains aren’t working. I knew they needed more protein. I say “Everything has to be put in the proper place after you are done using it.”  Somewhere along the line the message changes to “Everyone use whatever you want and throw it around the house when you are done with it because I am your God damned servant and want to spend the rest of my life cleaning up your shit.” And those are the instructions they follow.

And of course the house is a constant battle ground. My kids fight over everything, the remote, the phone, the last juice box, the first juice box, a place to sit at the table, who uses the washroom first( even though there are three bathrooms, it seems that only one can entice them to poop), everything.

They think I am some fanatical mad dictator, just because I want a little order in the house. Ok yes, in the neighborhood too. It’s not my fault that people can’t tell the difference between recyclables and organic waste. You’d think they would have a little common sense. And if I can make the garbage man’s life just a little easier by making sure the neighbors’ garbage is in the right bin, then I don’t see why my husband has to have such a cow over it.

I don’t know where I have gone wrong, obviously  in too many places. And so I must end this. Here I go. Damn it! First I have to go clean the bathroom. The dishes need to be washed, and so does the laundry. Ok maybe tomorrow I will be able to fit it into my schedule. I just hope it doesn’t take more than fifteen minutes, I hate being late.

(I got all the pictures from Google Images)

Competitive Moms

Competitive Moms (click to read on Dawn)

(This is an article I wrote for Dawn Newspaper’s Sunday Images. It is dedicated to women with competitive friends. )

Have you ever enjoyed lunch with an old college friend who you haven’t seen for a couple of years? Isn’t it great to reminisce about all the great adventures you had together, the long hours of studying and pigging out on junk food, the tension of exams, the anxious waiting for results, and sharing each others’ victories? Then exchanging the latest changes and developments that have occurred over the years… sigh!

This, however, is where the lunch starts to turn sour, when you realise the only thing she now has to talk about is her child. What a bore; you’d much rather talk about yours. So the conversation goes something like this:

Friend: “You know Ali was only 10 months old when he took his first step! It was so incredible! Everybody was shocked, I mean 10 months! Have you ever heard of kids walking at 10 months? Of course I always knew my child was definitely gifted, but…”

You: “Well…you know my daughter was walking at 10 months too, it’s not really…”

Friend: (in a patronising tone) “Oh no! You misunderstood me. I mean running all over the place at 10 months not just stumbling around. He actually started to try to walk when he was only eight months so he was an expert at 10! Of course, it was kind of expected; he was rolling over at only four months and practically crawling everywhere at five. You won’t believe what a hard time he gave me. You are really lucky you had your daughter first, girls don’t get into that much trouble and they aren’t that active. I had to be on my toes 24 hours a day…”

You: “Actually my daughter was quite naughty so I know what you have been through. Sarah was only three months when…”

Friend: “Oh I know you are just trying to make me feel better. Believe me girls are a lot easier to handle than boys. My nieces are little angels, my sister never had a hard time with them. In fact, I’d say all three of them put together on their worst behaviour couldn’t compare to what Ali could do. But of course, it’s a small price to pay when you have such a brilliant child. We were so confused when it came to deciding on the right school for him…”

You: “Yeah, I know what you mean. But I am really satisfied with Sarah’s school; the teachers there are really…”

Friend: “Yes, yes it is after all the fourth best school in this area. But you know my husband is such a perfectionist and when it comes to education, only the best was good enough for Ali. Of course, you do have to consider these things when you have an extraordinary child like Ali. Sometimes you know, I almost envy mothers with average children, they are so much easier to handle. You can’t imagine what it is like to keep up with Ali. Just the other day his teacher was telling me how confidently he recited four nursery rhymes in a row in front of his class without any help at all.”

You (starting to get really bugged and wondering if this is actually the same person you knew in college): “Sarah is more into colouring and drawing, she just loves to…”

Friend: “What a coincidence! So is Ali. His drawings are incredible, they seem to have been made by a much, much older child. And so neat! All the colours are inside the lines, he just never ceases to amaze me.”

You (starting to get up): “Oh my gosh, look at the time! I’ve really got to go Lubna, it was great to see you, but I’ve got to run and pick Sarah up from her piano lessons. Of course, you know how it is with little geniuses. Always on our toes! Let’s do lunch again some time, bye.” (Glad to have got the last word!)

Friend (a little stunned at finally being outdone): “Yeah, sure. Bye.” (She quickly composes herself and takes out her mobile and dials a number.) Hello Nazia! How are you darling! You know how busy I am, it’s not easy looking after such an active little prodigy. Just the other day the maid had finished ironing and folding all the clothes and Ali just couldn’t resist dumping the basket over. Then he got into the kitchen and…… (listening to the speaker for a second).s Oh no, you can’t begin to imagine what I go through! Why your little Zaid is such an innocent little sweetheart. He isn’t half as active as Ali, who, by the way….”