Category: Canada

Art Exhibit at MuslimFest 2014

MuslimFest was lots of fun for the kids. Jumping castles, slides and face painting. Lots of food and music. Big crowd!

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This was painted live (but I missed it ) just outside the art exhibit.

My stuff was right in front and got the best light (lucky me)

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This is the picture that sold. Yay!

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This is some other work exhibited there. I messed up the pic and the lighting wasn’t the best in this corner. But the paintings were good.

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These are prints someone had put up of their original work. There were a lot of other paintings but the kids didn’t want to stay more than five minutes and I couldn’t get any more pictures. The jumping castle was becoming a matter of life or death for them.

Gotta clean the house today (although I am really tempted to start another painting) before the health department puts a quarantine sign on our front lawn. Yes it is THAT bad. The summer vacation needs to end now.

by Categories: Art, Blogging, Canada, Culture, Events, Local, PersonalTags: , , , 3 Comments

Art Exhibition at Celebration Square

There is going to be an art exhibition at Celebration Square in August at the MuslimFest. Realizing that I may be the modern day Monet I have decided to bestow my artistic dazzle upon the world. Or at least whoever turns up for the exhibit. I just finished the application form. Which took me five hours since the computer knows I don’t have a whole lot of time and loves to test my patience. After filling the entire form (all 3450 pages) I was informed the link had failed. Woo hoo I got to fill the whole thing again!

Anyways here is what I am submitting:

This is how a great masterpiece was born…

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Yes the woman is holding her heart.

I used Prismacolor soft pencils for this.

And this one is literally about to be born…

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I used oil pastels and the soft pencils on Mi-Teintes pastel paper for this one. It has real purty colors! Something less dramatic for people who are squeamish…

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This one is also soft pencils and oil pastels on Mi-Teintes pastel paper.

I have to finish two more paintings to submit. If I stop blogging you will know I made millions off these magnum opi ( of course opi is a word, it is plural for opus!) and am now lolling about on some tropical island sipping the fancy drinks they serve in coconut shells.

 

by Categories: Art, Blogging, Canada, Culture, Events, Holidays, LocalTags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Stormy skies

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We stopped at the park after school. It was wonderfully windy and grey and the sky had a lot to say.

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Don’t you just love stormy skies?

by Categories: Canada, Photography, Random Thoughts, WeatherTags: , , 2 Comments

Daily Prompt: Copies

The sincerest form of flattery (or extreme source of annoyance) is to copy something you admire. I have always loved the poem Indian Summer by William Campbell. We had to memorize it in grade five. Which I could not, I was an extremely introverted misfit and would go blank at just the thought of having to say anything to anyone. My fifth grade teacher was a mortifying copy of Ms. Finster (you know from Recess!) I blame some of my trauma on her. Actually I blame her for 89% of it. Here is Indian Summer and my rendition below it:

“Indian Summer”

Along the line of smoky hills

The crimson forest stands,

And all the day the blue-jay calls

Throughout the autumn lands.

Now by the brook the maple leans,

With all his glory spread;

And all the sumachs on the hills

Have turned their green to red.

Now, by great marshes wrapt in mist,

Or past some river’s mouth,

Throughout the long still autumn day

Wild birds are flying south.
“Kidsindahouse Summer”
Within the walls of smoke-filled kitchen,

The offspring burn their toast.

And all morning I bury skull in pillow,

In sleep I am engrossed.

Now by afternoon the house is still standing,

Although a filthy mess;

And all my brats claim innocence

None of them confess.

Now its high time I got out of bed,

I really need some tea,

Throughout our abode the kids do scatter

‘Cause I’m petrifying to see.

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My fifth grade teacher actually looked just like this.

by Categories: Blogging, Canada, Children, Desi Mom Eh?, Humor, LifeTags: , , , , 14 Comments

Desi Mom: Parenting 101

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I was born and (mostly) raised in Canada. My parents were clueless FOBs (fresh off the boat) and I blame them for my thoroughly awkward upbringing.  I was a total geeky loser in school, yes right up to high school. My post is absolutely not related to my traumatized childhood, I just wanted to get that off my chest.

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In the many years I spent in Pakistan I learned the importance of plastic shopping bags and yogurt containers. Also that if you aren’t quick at weddings when they signal dinner, you will find there is no coke left. Or chicken broast. So don’t be shy.

Raising five monsters kids in Karachi has given me, besides nerves of steel and the amazing ability to not go pee for  48 hours, some multicultural expertise I feel I must bestow on non-desi moms.

1. You can live without water: When there is no electricity for 9 hours straight you can count on running out of water. The kids need a shower. What the hell do you think baby powder was invented for? Douse those little buggers with it. Sprinkle it in their puppy dog smelling hair and dust it out. Not only will the greasiness be replaced with powderiness, the powder will absorb all further sweating. Inevitable since there’s no electricity and its 40 degrees in the house.

2. Never throw away plastic bags: Keep plastic bags handy in the car, in all your handbags and purses even in your jeans’ pockets. Teenager 2 always got car sick as a little boy. I could catch his involuntary projectile of gastric juice without blinking. Plastic bags are also good for when there is no gas station on a road trip. Or if you are in Karachi, where the gas stations are so dirty your child would prefer to poop his pants.

3. Don’t buy toys: You know very well that once the box is opened it takes about 3 and a half minutes for the charm of that $35 toy to disappear completely. My mother-in-law could keep Middle Child busy for hours with her empty plastic pill containers. The allure lay in the fact that the containers could be closed and opened again and again and again and….

4. Kids need to be spanked: Your kid needs to know you are the boss. If you think “let’s talk about what you are feeling right now” and “we need to think about the consequences” is working than you are a dummy mummy. That is Junior knowing he got away with it by showing remorse he certainly doesn’t feel, he or she is already planning the next escapade. Spank that kid! Just ask Russel Peters…”Somebody’s a gonna get a hurt!”

5. A good sweater can be used for at least four siblings. Oh yes I did. In the span of ten years. We still have the sweater.

6. Never praise your kids in their presence: Always ask them why they can’t be more like your sister’s children, your cousin’s children, your neighbor’s children, your brother-in-law’s children, anybody’s children. It keeps them competitive, no of course it will not hurt their self-esteem.

7. Always one up other moms: Don’t let your sister, your cousin, your neighbor or anyone else have the last word on their children’s achievements. Whatever they say is 50% exaggeration, beat them with their own rules. Example? Your child got her black belt last year. So what if she was only five?

Stay posted for more Desi tips.

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by Categories: Blogging, Canada, Children, Culture, Desi Mom Eh?, Humor, Life, parentingTags: , , , , 13 Comments

Random Thought About : Snow. And Dogs.

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(Photo by me. Beautiful, clean and poop free snow!)

I just had a random thought. Why can’t dogs bury their poop like cats? I like dogs. I just don’t like their poop lying hidden in the grass. Another random thought, why don’t owners pick up their dog’s poop like they are supposed to? Does it give them some creepy joy, the thought of some unsuspecting random person accidentally stepping in their dog’s poop? Do they think it looks festive in the snow in winter? Do they know how hard it is to keep reminding six-year-old twins to watch where they are walking, don’t pick up the snow without examining it carefully to make sure it is dog poop free, and stay off the grassy edges of the sidewalk  because that is where dog owners like to leave the most dog poop? We don’t want to see dog poop. Not in the grass or in the snow, not by a tree or under the park bench. However we also don’t want to not see it, so just pick it up! OR get a cat. My rant for the day. Thank you.

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(photo from: http://hoboken411.com/archives/34284)

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Pet Names

Someone give me a recipe for motivation. Motivate me to write regularly and stop procrastinating. It’s just that it is sooo hard to make myself write, finish that novel, write hundreds of different query letters, get hundreds of rejection letters. Hit me on the head, tell me to stop whining, it happens to every writer. So just finish the damned novel and write a blog post once a week.

We are thinking of moving into a bigger place and the kids want a dog. I want a husky, Cauliflower wants  a golden retriever, the Twins want anything that wags a tail, barks and gets excited about nothing. We are not getting a dog. I promised the kids we might go for another cat. A friend for Patchy. I am a bad candidate for women’s lib, I want a male cat because they are more affectionate in my experience. Cauliflower suggested we name the future affectionate tom cat Sh*t.

I stared at her because I was sure I hadn’t heard her right.

“Don’t use that language!”

“No seriously think how much fun it would be. The neighbors will get plenty of amusement whenever we call the cat.”

I thought for a moment. And smiled. Then I laughed. “Sh*t! Sh*t where are you? Here Sh*tty Sh*tty Sh*tty Sh*tty!”

“What about this?” Cauliflower made a suggestion,  “Sh*t you missed the litter box again! Sh*t I am not cleaning up your sh*t anymore!”

Or,

“Sh*t come on it’s your favorite Sh*t, come and get it. Does Sh*t want some tuna?”

“Where’s Sh*t? There he is! There’s Sh*t! Whose a good Sh*tty? Sh*t’s a good sh*tty!”

“Sh*t is so adorable, look at Sh*t lying there being cute!”

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Waiting to play with Sh*t.

Any other suggestions for pet names are welcome.

by Categories: Blogging, Canada, Humor, WritingTags: , , 5 Comments

What to do on a Snow Day

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I am sick today. And I sit here with a box of tissues, a bottle of hydrasense and a clove of burning garlic shoved in my aching ear. I am too sick to do anything but have random thoughts and watch boring shows on TV. Daytime television is bleh. There is more snow coming. “When the snows fall and the white winds blow…” the bus ain’t coming cause school is closed.

For Moms:

1. Make a huge amount of hot chocolate. Pour in a bottle of Benadryl. Give them as much as they like, they’ll all be out before you know it.

2. Send them outside and offer a ‘ten’ for every igloo they make. They’ll stay out of your hair the whole day. Then give them a dime for every igloo. What?

3. Send them over to Grandma’s. That is what parents are for. (Be sure to move to Florida after they get married and have their own kids.)

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For Kids:

1. Make your own hot chocolate.

2. Offer to make breakfast and let Mom go back to sleep.

3. Clean the house while Mom sleeps.

4. Take care of younger brothers and sisters while Mom sleeps.

5. Make chicken sandwiches for lunch, feed everyone, then clean up the kitchen while Mom sleeps.

6. Make Mom the best cup of coffee/tea ever and serve it to her on a tray with a flower in bed.

7. If you can’t manage all the above, take all your brothers and sisters and go over to Grandma’s. Stay there.

Any more ideas for the next snow day?

(All pics courtesy of moi taken on Feb 8)

by Categories: Canada, Family, Home, Humor, Life, Random ThoughtsTags: , , , 10 Comments

Tea Parties and Writing Contests

November is my favorite month, it is the month I turn eighteen every year. Now it is going, and then agents will be flooded with nanowrimo stuff. And I can imagine what good moods they will be in. I didn’t do the nanowrimo thing. I was tempted, instead I decided to do the short story contest stuff. So I wrote and am writing some short stories to send to different places. I enjoyed it, at first I was doubtful. I seem to have too much to say. But I am really enjoying it. I wrote a humorous story about a desi boy and his crazy family because I had fun writing ‘Parents Just Don’t Understand’ for Dawn, in fact it was so much fun I am going to turn it into a novel.

I also wrote a sad ghost story, which I had so much fun with that I am going to use the idea for another novel. It is kind of like the Time Traveler’s Wife crossed with Ghost.

Here are some links to short story contests that I hope some of you find useful:

http://www.inktears.com/Inktears/WritersNewWriters2012.html  the last date for this is November 30th  and you can write any theme/genre

http://www.commonwealthwriters.org/prizes/commonwealth-short-story-prize/entry-rules/  the last date for this is December 4th  you can write any genre but you must live in a Commonwealth Country

And here is a place that has a list of other places you can check out:

http://www.christopherfielden.com/short-story-tips-and-writing-advice/short-story-competitions.php   I love people like this, they make life so much easier. Thank you Christopher Fielden.

I love creepy, haunting stories (think Edgar Allan Poe) so the other short stories I am writing are creepy and haunting(no zombies!). The ideas creep me out at night. Of course so does the Walking Dead, but some things are just so addictive.

I hope I can get the two other stories done on time, last week and today are really busy. And then I also have to have regular vocal cord exercises to get that opera singer job or be cast as the next Hulk, so I need to take time off to yell at the offspring. They begin to feel deprived if I don’t.

I also hope to send out more queries for ‘Miscegenation’ but it takes a lot of time going through those agent websites and then writing out new queries. Especially when I am so busy hollering at the kids and planning tea parties with Kate. You know Kate? The one who married the Prince?

What are you busy with these days?

(All pics swiped off Google Images)

by Categories: Blogging, Canada, Humor, Life, Novel, WritingTags: , , 8 Comments

Lost in Translation: Part One

  Did you ever play that game Chinese whispers? I don’t ever remember playing it. To compensate this childhood deprivation God has blessed me with a husband and kids who live Chinese Whispers. You don’t get it? Let me demonstrate. Introducing the cast:

Slovenly Teen: 15

Only Son: 13

Middle Child: 8 (I also refer to her as ‘sweet child o mine’- she is the only one I want to admit is my actual offspring)

Twin 1: 5

Twin 2: coincidentally also 5

Husband: Peter Pan

Me: 18 till I Die (Bryan Adams rocks..eh)

Random Situation 1:

Slovenly Teen, the reigning champion of sleeping in, is still in bed on Saturday evening..no night..of course I am not exaggerating! Whatever gave you the idea I exaggerate?

Me: “Wake up goddammit! It’s almost Sunday, look at the filthy mess in this room, I am not cleaning up after you, you over grown gargantuan sloth. You get up right now and wash those dishes, I wash them all week. The least you can do is help out on the weekend, you good for nothing massive waste of carbohydrates. What kind of example are you setting for your younger sisters? All right that is it, I am throwing our all your junk….here it goes…did you hear me?”

What Slovenly Teen actually hears:

“My poor exhausted precious pearl! You have worked hard looking swag all week. Baby you need a rest! Now don’t you dare try to get up and put things away, no no no! Mama will do that for you, my darling angel! Just right after I get your good for nothing sisters to wash the dishes and clean up your room I am going to cook your favorite …now what do you feel like? Lasagna or chicken cacciatore? You are so beautiful it is unbelievable and just for being that good-looking I think I’m gonna bake my baby a cake! Here honey let me put your beats on your ears for you…you just relax and continue snoozing the day away sugar-plum.”

Random Situation 2:

Xbox addicted Only Son had been playing since 4 pm and it is now 7 pm  The twins are fainting from severe lack of Tree House. Yes I insist on keeping one and only one TV!

Me: “You need to turn that game off now! You have been playing for five hours now. Other people in this house need the TV you know! If you don’t turn that goddamn thing off right now, you won’t play for a week. I don’t care if you have ten friends online, if their mothers are ok with their sons turning into a bunch of zombie gamers, fine with me. Are you listening to me? ”

What Only Son hears: “Most precious only male child and carrier of the family name. Continue on your quest of becoming the greatest gamer in the history of mankind and bring me pride. You have only been playing for half an hour and I know it will take hours of hard work to perfect your great skill at killing underage players online violently and mercilessly. I take great delight in every kill you make. It makes my heart sing while you comment loudly, with strange verbal embellishments,  into that expensive mouth piece earphone thing set that I most happily agreed upon buying. Play on noble son, play on.”

Random Situation 3:

Twin 2 greatly frustrated while I am busy in the kitchen, comes to me with the complaint that her Xbox addicted brother has still not turned off the game.

Me: “Okay, just let me finish up what I am doing and I’ll come and have a talk with your brother.”

Twin 2 to Only Son: “Mom said you better get off that goddammit game right now or she is going to break it into gazillions of pieces and throw them off the roof. And then you are going to get a spanking. DO IT NOW!”

Random Situation 4:

Peter Pan  husband is on the internet. I have issues that I need to discuss.

Me: “The groceries are almost finished you need to go shopping, and I was wondering what to cook for dinner. Do you want to have traditional stuff tonight or something non-desi? Did you know Only Son’s dentist appointment is next week? There is a sale on at the mall, I think we should go. You have got to talk to that daughter of yours! Her room is a mess, you need to get more involved with the kids, I can’t do everything you know! There is something wrong with the vacuum cleaner and the cat, they are both throwing up hairballs. Do you think I have started looking..old? You need to get some exercise, you sit too long at that damn computer, the twins have vaccinations due.  Middle child brought home an open house circular from school and…”

What husband actually hears: “Blah blah blah blabbidy bloo blah blah blabber blabber blabber blah blah blabbidy bleep blah blah blah…”

Husband: “Okay”

So what does your family hear when you are trying to communicate?

(All pics from Google Images)

by Categories: Canada, Children, Desi Mom Eh?, Humor, Life, parenting, WritingTags: , , , Leave a comment